Duende
by Cat Lady Murmur
Summary: A song-fic from Sirius's POV as he slowly loses his mind, and struggles to keep a grip on his memories of his love...{SLASH}


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Disclaimer: Nyao, my first attempt at a song-fic. O_o;; I just bought this CD and I couldn't help thinking of Sirius. The song is called "Duende" and it's from the Delerium CD "Karma". Concept © MEEH, everything else I borrowed from the lovely Ms. Rowling. ^-^ 

Duende

By Cat Lady Murmur

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//Bleak desolation   
In a beam of   
Sun// 

No windows in this macabre fortress, and even if there were, I'd only see the gruesome unreality that I can feel in my very bones, the nightmares that I work so hard to keep away.

Sunlight. I haven't seen sunlight in…Jesus, I can't even remember how long. The only light to come into my cell is the ghastly spectral trail of the tortured souls released from their torment by natural or induced means. Their honest-to-God _souls_, Remus, the ones who were lucky enough to smuggle a shiv into their cells and manage to cut out their own hearts, wanting so desperately to escape, wanting to insure that they would never survive.

I can hear their screams and shrieks even through the thick floors above me, can see the spectral glow right before the Ghosts sense it and drink it from the darkness.

There _is_ no escape from here.

****

//Scraping as I crawl   
(Your heart can't hear me)   
Tearing bruising fall   
(Your hands can't hear me)   
Thirsting raging blind   
(Your eyes can't hear me)   
Racing against time   
(Your arms can't hear me)//

There was blood all over my hands, my face, crusting under and around my nails as salty tears lay hidden beneath maniacal laughter, wanting nothing more than to run home to you. Impossible. Captured. And then there you were, and hope sparked within me as I looked into those sorrowful eyes…and you looked away. Turned and walked out. 

They threw me into this cage, left and surrounded me with Ghosts, and I screamed for you. I bled and burned and raged for you, Remus.

But you never heard any of it, and soon it'll be too late. 

****

//Like an angel you'll come  
In a dream, precious one   
(And)   
Make me beautifully numb//

Rationing my memories of you, trying so hard to preserve the tatters of my sanity and waning life. The Ghosts that come in the night steal my dreams, picking them over like jackals, and I die a little more. But…

Now and then, I'm blessed with a memory I thought had been stolen from me, and for a short time, I can lose myself. I can leave this place and it's screaming and death far behind, and find myself in your arms once more. The sweet taste of your flesh...warm, breathy sighs that spilled from your lips as I stole kisses from them hungrily, lusting fingertips wandering across creamy, gentle skin, and your voice, so husky and rich and utterly _you_, whispering into my ear promises and my name, repeating them again and again as if they're an incantation to further solidify our consummated bond…

And soon that dream is stolen as well, and all I can see is the pain marring once-beautiful eyes, and you fade from me.

****

//Desperate panicked calls   
(The wind can't hear me)   
Muffled weak and small   
(The sand can't hear me)   
Pleading, groping hands   
(The truth can't hear me)   
Bleeding in the sand   
(Your heart can't hear me)//

This place is closing in on me Remus, I don't know how much longer I can hold on. The screams don't ever seem to stop now and the dark is cold and everywhere and the Ghosts are always moving. My memories, my hope is wasting away faster than I am, and it's not fair! This is all wrong, they're wrong, but the truth…

The truth will die with me, won't it? Die bleeding and screaming and pleading…

****

//Bleak desolation   
In a beam of   
Sun//

But the sunlight is there. I can see it. The way it makes your hair appear cinnamon, and I can't resist touching it, can't resist nuzzling into it and trying to fill my lungs with as much of your scent as possible.

And you would laugh, laughter as sweet as honey, as I kissed you in a patch of sunlight and promised you the moon. Your smile is so warm, and as I taste those sweet lips one last time…I realize I have nothing to offer you. 

****

//Like an angel you'll come   
In a dream, blessed one   
(And)   
Make me joyfully numb//

You're the spirit that comes to me in the night, gives me the strength to stay alive just one more day. But they're coming for you, every time you wrap me in your embrace and shield me from the pain and cold and fear, they know it. And they'll find you, no matter how desperately I hide you, or how savagely I try to hold onto you.

They drag you away every time. 

****

//Razor fingers cling   
(The wind can't hear me)//

No! I won't let them steal you from me! I won't let them take you!

  
**//Piercing demons sing   
(The sand can't hear me)//**

Oh God, they can sense it…I can hear them! The rustling, scratching, scraping whispers of the Ghosts, Dementors, starving for life, for _my_ life, my memories…

  
**//Twisting hollow Hell   
(The truth can't hear me)//**

Screams are louder, sobbing, aching, desperately clawing at stone and flesh--

  
**//Burning blisters swell   
(Your heart can't hear me)//**

--but there's no way out, no way through the stone, the blood and--ARGH! Why does it have to hurt so much?!

  
**//Sharp cut aching breath   
(Your arms can't hear me)//**

Oh Remus, I can't breathe, they're too close but you…you're gone. Hidden, stolen, fading piece by piece--

  
**//Choking scent of death   
(Your hands can't hear me)//**

--and they're at the door, hideous, hollow laughter as they feast on my broken spirit, and death! Oh God, it's everywhere, all around me, stifling, thick, and I'm choking. I'm dying Remus, but they won't take you! No no no no no no NO!

****

//Grueling jaw-bone grind   
(Your eyes can't hear me)//

Balled up tight in the corner, grinding my teeth, nails in the flesh of my arms as I try to hold you in, protect you from them like you protected me. I'll die _with_ you before they'll ever pry you away from me again! 

Oh please God…please let me keep him, please let me keep this one last scrap of my life…

  
**//Cursed by my own mind   
(Your heart can't hear me)//**

Please…

Remus… 


End file.
